Grandpa Dean

My Grandpa Farnsworth passed away last week. I didn't know him personally very well while I was growing up. We never sat down together and had any conversations that I can remember, even though I spent a week every summer in his home almost every year of my life. But I got to know him better in the last five years of his life, when he lived with my mom and dad. He was so gracious and kind to them, even though it was so hard on him to be away from his hometown, unable to read or sing or play the violin and eventually unable to walk and converse the way he used. He never complained. I can't imagine what that would be like--to have such a full, talent-filled, friend-filled life. And then have age and circumstance and health slowly take everything away from you. But he handled it with dignity and kindness towards those caring for him. I thank him for his life devoted to serving God. I thank him for the mentor and teacher that he was to the students he taught and for the devoted husband and father he was to my grandma and my mother. I thank him for his love of literature, gardening, and music and his love of people of different races and cultures. My Uncle Kent posted some interesting insights into his life and travels on his website. It is a good read if you have the time.

Life with Evie

Our life has been so happy the last couple of weeks. I can't think of a better way to spend my day than to spend the mornings and afternoons with Evelyn and to spend my evenings with Forrest. We read, we sing, we dance, we play, we take walks, we clean the house, we cook, we read and sing some more...life is so, so good.

Evie loves to be outside and the weather has been gorgeous the last couple of days. (She is almost too heavy for the carrier, though. Soon it will be the stroller for her.) She kept those sunglasses on the first time we went out, but now she usually takes them off and plays with them while we walk. The bluebonnets are out and they are beautiful. 

Eating Paper. Her favorite food is rice puffs that she can now pick up and feed to herself.

She is a beast, let me tell you. She is 8 months old tomorrow and wearing 12 month clothes. 

I got her some hair bows so that she'd be even more adorable. If that's possible. 

Yes, yes it is.

And Here is Evelyn!

I send pictures like this to Forrest while he is at working saying "Evie misses you."
Then he  texts back and says, "I don't believe it when she's smiling like that."

So then I have to send him a picture like this.

And I just like this one because anytime we go to my parents' house,
Forrest ends up fixing something. He is such a handy man and a real trooper.

Neal A. Maxwell Once Said

"I have learned that not shrinking is more important than not surviving."

This is something I've thought a lot about in the last few years and tonight's CES devotional by Sister and Elder Bednar addressed a lot of my thoughts and feelings. I hope all of you get a chance to listen to it or read it at some point.

Here are a couple of other talks that I thought of while I was listening:

"But If Not" October 2002 General Conference
"Faith, Reason, and the Things of Eternity"
"The Lord Has Not Forgotten You" October 2012 General Relief Society Meeting

And just so you know, I know that not shrinking is more important than surviving. That developing faith in God, even if what you want is not what you hoped for, is everything. I know that the Savior can remove pain, burdens, temptations--everything. Even if he doesn't in every circumstance, I know that He can, because He has for me. And that is enough.

Perspective

Bruegel's Landscape with the Fall of Icarus

Ah, life. What a strange, strange thing it is. In the last 10 years I have learned two things. (Well, hopefully I've learned more than two...but these are the ones I've been thinking about lately.):

1. Life (circumstance, opposition, etc.) can hit me in the face, usually unexpectedly, and sometimes it hits me so hard I fall flat on my back. I wonder, "What just happened?" and "Why me?" and feel sorry for myself.

and then

2. Someone or something comes along and gives me a magical thing: perspective. It, too, feels like a slap in the face, but somehow it transports me back to my feet and I feel very foolish for ever letting life knock me down.

Recently, Forrest had some health issues that required hospital time and will require more care. And everything happened so randomly and unexpectedly and seemed so serious that I felt the way I just described in #1. Then, I spoke to a friend who had heard about the circumstance and she talked about some similar (and much worse) experiences her mother has endured her entire life. She wasn't trying to trivialize my experience. In fact, she, better than anyone, could empathize because of her experiences with her mother. And I appreciated it. But what talking to her really did for me was give me a dose of #2: perspective. And I was back on my feet again.

A few years ago, I became seriously disturbed by the fact that I knew so many who had very difficult circumstances in their lives--and not just one-time slaps in the face like the experience I had and described above--but lifelong burdens and difficulties that never seemed to go away. Or that had hurt them so deep that recovery seemed far away. I reflected on this for a long time, always believing that Heavenly Father loved His children and that the Atonement could heal all wounds and make up for any injustices, but not being able to reconcile that belief with the cold, hard facts: Some people's lives or trials seem so much worse and harder to overcome than mine. My issue wasn't that Heavenly Father allows His children to feel hurt and experience trials. I understand that these moments are what stretch us and can make us stronger and more like Him. My issue was why He let some people's lives or difficulties be so much harder or heavier than others. That didn't sit well with me. My life, compared to most of my friends, was so much happier and easier.

I studied and pondered for a long time about this. And then an answer came when I read the following words:

"But the test a loving God has set before us is not to see if we can endure difficulty. It is to see if we can endure it well. We pass the test by showing that we remembered Him and the commandments He gave us. And to endure well is to keep those commandments whatever the opposition, whatever the temptation, and whatever the tumult around us. We have that clear understanding because the restored gospel makes the plan of happiness so plain.

That clarity lets us see what help we need. We need strength beyond ourselves to keep the commandments in whatever circumstance life brings to us. For some it may be poverty, but for others it may be prosperity. It may be the ravages of age or the exuberance of youth. The combination of trials and their duration are as varied as are the children of our Heavenly Father. No two are alike. But what is being tested is the same, at all times in our lives and for every person: will we do whatsoever the Lord our God will command us?"

President Henry B. Eyring, "In the Strength of the Lord," April 2004 General Conference
(You can read or listen or watch the entire talk here.)

Almost instantly I felt an overwhelming peace. I had been looking at everything upside down. It is not our circumstances that are "the test." Circumstances are never equal. Circumstances "are as varied as are the children of our Heavenly Father. No two are alike. But what is being tested is the same, at all times in our lives and for every person: will we do whatsoever the Lord our God will command us?"

So though it may not outwardly appear so, my comparatively easy, happy circumstance is just as much a test as my neighbors' difficult, pained circumstance. If my easy circumstances keep me from turning to God, from relying on Him, then I am the one to be pitied, not someone whose world is crumbling around them but whose faith in God is unwavering. We get dealt different hands in this life. But we are expected to play by the same rules. What is being tested is always the same. And the Divine help to succeed and conquer all is available to every one of us. 

The Last Few Months

 The last few months have definitely been unique. We were so happy to be able to spend time in Allen for Thanksgiving and then again for New Years, and to spend Christmas in Frannie. It was so neat being able to see Ben and Ryanne and Nathan, Lindsay, and co who are normally half a world away, literally.

Forrest and Evelyn are so cute together. Anytime I am holding  Evie and her dad is home, she is always staring at him. We just can't get enough of him.

Unfortunately, Evelyn stopped sleeping her 7-8 hour nights while we were in Frannie, and hasn't  slept through the night since. I have a feeling she is going to need some serious sleep training in the next couple months. I wish Paula was here to help.

Grandma Roberts got this beautiful Christmas dress for Evie and she looked adorable--well, you can see for yourself.

Everyone who sees her says she looks like her daddy. She looks like Russell to me but I guess that's close enough to her dad. I just hope she keeps her blue eyes so that there is something that physically resembles me.

Forrest played around on his cell phone and found that he could take pictures in sepia.

The girl is sitting up in her bumbo and eating rice cereal!

She is the joy of our life basically.

Truth Restored